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How to Create A Successful Business Relationship

In time for Valentine’s Day, I recently read an article in The Wall Street Journal that asks the question “What makes marriage work over the long term?” Each of the four celebrity couples interviewed had a different answer to the question, and Scott and I have yet a different answer (stay open to growth and change within ourselves and each other, and adapt our relationship accordingly).  Ultimately, each couple must find a solution that works for their unique marriage.

 

Just as the key to a successful marriage is unique, the key to a successful business relationship is unique. Over the years, we’ve encountered companies that attempted to standardize relationships with their alliance partners, outsource providers, consultants, and other external stakeholders. These arrangements then wandered into difficulty due to overlooked or underestimated issues of shifting and competing priorities, rigid policies, and cultural differences of each company.  Conducting due diligence around these issues before making commitments can prevent some of these issues, but it’s not the entire solution.

 

Obviously, some basic standards must be satisfied for a relationship to succeed (i.e., shared vision, values, etc.).  However, beyond the logic of the relationship, it’s essential to recognize and honor its uniqueness.  Building a bridge to “our way” and adjusting it over time may not be as convenient as mandating that things be done “my way,” but it pays off exponentially in enabling each person (or company) to get more of the results they really want.

Posted by Pam Harper on 02/12/2010 at 06:14 PM in Building Stronger Relationships | Permalink | Comments (0)

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Don't Outsource Your Bedtime Stories

Today while I was on the eliptical machine, I tuned into a morning show segment featuring a person who was proudly discussing the fact that he has succeeded in "outsourcing" (as he called it) almost every part of his life, including reading bedtime stories to his young son.

While I'm all for outsourcing non-essential functions,  this is going a little bit too far. Yes, plenty of people hire nannies and babysitters. However at least there is some type of relationship between the caregiver and the child.  Parents still need to find regular ways to personally connect with their children.  Sharing stories from books and from your own experiences is a wonderful way to do this.  Hiring interchangeable story tellers sends many messages, including ones that convey that developing a personal relationship isn't all that important.

If you want to build stronger bonds with others, both in life and in business, keep the bedtime stories at home and maintain essential relationship building activities in-house.  From my own experience as a parent and as an executive, I can tell you that the results are well worth the investment.

Posted by Pam Harper on 12/17/2009 at 02:30 PM in Building Stronger Relationships | Permalink | Comments (0)

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How Do You Increase The Success of Strategic Alliances?

Recently, I was interviewed on the "Let's Talk Success" radio show regarding the topic of how to leverage strategic alliances and other third party relationships such as outsourcing, partnerships and other types of collaborations.
BlogTalkRadio.com/letstalksuccess

Looking for more information? Visit BusinessAdvance.com/articles to read "Four Steps to Making Strategic Alliances Work" and "Grow Your Business By Finding Your 'Hidden' Organization."

Posted by Pam Harper on 12/17/2009 at 02:28 PM in Building Stronger Relationships, Hidden Opportunities | Permalink | Comments (0)

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Get Better Results From Meetings - Open Your Mind

Today I met with someone who had other things on his mind.  Despite inviting me to his office, not only didn't he offer me a place to sit, he also didn't offer to take my coat or go through the ritual of exchanging business cards. The message was loud and clear: "I didn't really want to take this meeting; state your business and get out." Obviously, the meeting ended quickly.
 
I can understand lack of interest.  That's OK.  But don't agree to a meeting if you're going to go into it with a closed mind   In that few minutes, even though this person is a powerful business executive and leader in his community, any positive impression I had of him completely vanished.  It's easy to say that we're all too time-pressed to keep an open mind, but the fact is that it takes only a few more minutes to listen, and the potential for return on investment is high.

If you invite someone to your office, offer him/her a place to sit.  Exchange business cards.  Turn off cell phones, email, and other technology.  Don't let anyone or anything interrupt the meeting during the time you've allotted.  Open your mind.  Listen for new ideas. Ask questions.  Then decide on next steps.  As they say in ads for the New York Lottery -  "Hey, you never know... 

Posted by Pam Harper on 12/01/2009 at 02:50 PM in Building Stronger Relationships | Permalink | Comments (0)

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The Keys to Credible Communication

Whether your objective is to be more effective as a leader, gain a promotion, or secure a new position, your ability to communicate with others in a way that they find credible is a critical factor in achieving a successful outcome.

What are the keys to communicating credibly? You can find out live on Tuesday, November 10, 2009, when I'll be interviewed by Sharon Saylor, host of the "Beyond Lip Service" radio show.


Posted by Pam Harper on 11/10/2009 at 02:00 PM in Building Stronger Relationships | Permalink | Comments (0)

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How to Make Conflict Work To Your Advantage

Over the past week, I've been interviewed on the radio twice on the subject of fixing conflicts. While I was able to give some pointers that can help in resolving clashes between co-workers, the implication was that conflict in the workplace isn't a good thing.  Actually, I believe that conflict in the workplace has a better chance of producing high performance results than insisting on a "peaceful" workplace.
 
The fact is, we all have different values, attitudes, beliefs, needs, ideas, and experiences.  This rich mix of backgrounds can be the source of discovering new opportunities and innovation. The problem isn't that we have conflict in the workplace, the problem is that we're often not comfortable or skilled at expressing our conflicts, so they get pushed down while being acted out in all kinds of passive-aggressive ways (Example: think about the colleague who says "yes" to a request but is always "too busy" to deliver on the promise; or the person who loudly snaps gum despite your repeated requests to stop).  The reality is that a conflict openly expressed has a better chance of leading to positive outcomes than one that is suppressed to keep "peace" at all costs.
 
So what are the keys to making conflict work for you?  Here are three ideas:
 

  • Catch conflict at its earliest stages: Let's face it - someone has to confront the situation, and it's better if it's you because you're taking control over what's happening.  Even if the other person denies the conflict, it's hard for him/her to hide if you identify observable behavior in the here and now.  For example, notice not just what someone says, but his/her body language and tone of voice during the interaction.  Cues such as lack of cooperation with your requests, abruptness in manner, and lack of eye contact could potentially signal that a conflict is building.  Note: These behaviors could also mean something else, so it's important to check out your perceptions with the other person.

  • Uncover the underlying problem:  Be prepared for new information to come out into the open.  Usually, there's more to a conflict than what you can easily observe. Depending upon factors of time, your ability to be objective, and the criticality of the problem, a facilitator can sometimes help. For example, when two executives spent time deconstructing the issues underlying their conflict, they realized that they had each been operating under a series of mistaken assumptions about their objective, the timing, roles, and accountabilities.

  • Focus on finding a common point of agreement and problem solving:  Even in cases where colleagues simply don't like each other, I've seen tremendous teamwork happen when everyone could agree upon the benefits of an objective.  This led to a willingness to work jointly on coming up with new ways to solve the problems and move beyond the conflict. However, even if you can't find a common point of agreement, knowing about a conflict and where it's coming from can help you evaluate your own options and decide how you'll move forward individually if necessary.

Conflict is natural. While confronting these issues can be uncomfortable, it's definitely safer than stuffing the issues down and watching problems build up until progress totally grinds to a halt.  Let's stop being "peaceful", and start talking about what's really on our minds.

Posted by Pam Harper on 10/09/2009 at 02:45 PM in Building Stronger Relationships, Preventing Gridlock | Permalink | Comments (0)

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How to Find Out What's On Your Customers' Minds

When I went to my neighborhood Starbucks last week, the Barista gave me a number to call to answer a survey about their store.  It seems like a simple request on one level, but so far I haven't called.  Why?  Responding takes time, and Starbucks is competing with requests from hotels, restaurants, auto dealerships - and even religious organizations - who all want to know what I think. 

Here's the problem: despite the obvious effort that was spent designing these surveys, no one has given me a compelling reason to respond to them.  The goodness of our hearts?  I don't think so.  And please don't insult us by implying that receiving a $1(US) bill can be considered compensation for taking the energy to give thoughtful answers. 

So to all service providers, if you really want to find out what's on your customers' minds: 

  • Provide us with information before we go through the exercise of answering questions, regarding how and when you intend to use the information we give you.
  • Keep us posted about specific steps that you�ll be taking to do things differently or better because we took the time and effort to respond (a special link on your website)
  • Give us a gift that we will value (perhaps $5 on a Starbucks card, or one-time preferred check in at the hotel)  - something that demonstrates partnership.

The more that you make your customers feel truly valued for giving their opinions, the more likely you are to tap into what's actually on their minds. 

Posted by Pam Harper on 08/17/2009 at 11:00 AM in Building Stronger Relationships | Permalink | Comments (0)

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The Writing On the Cup

As I was drinking my Starbucks coffee, I noticed writing on the side of my cup titled "The Way I See It #286."  The quote, authored by comedian-magician Penn Jillette, reads "Hypocrisy is annoying but not evil.  Someone who says one thing and does another has doubled their chances of being half right."   At the bottom of the cup there is a disclaimer notice that reads: "This is the author's opinion, not necessarily that of Starbucks."  Is it?

I can certainly believe that Starbucks was trying to appeal to a certain type of customer who enjoys thinking about different sides of issues and engaging in debate.  However, I also believe that all messages a company sends out reflect their opinion on some level.  After all,  there are thousands - if not millions - of controversial quotes out in the world.  Why did Starbucks' management choose to use this one?

When a company is going through tough times, it's essential to communicate in a way that is credible (e.g., words and actions match what others can easily perceive).  In the case of Starbucks, the promise of convenience, the ability to try unusual blends of coffee, and knowledgeable staff who  engage in conversations with customers have been as much a part of their communication as the writing on their coffee cups and ambiance of their stores. 

Unfortunately, the promise now has a "half right" characteristic to it. Starbucks has seriously cut back on the number of shops it operates, making the existing stores more crowded.  I"ve noticed that the knowledgeable, service oriented baristas are increasingly being replaced by more traditional clerks who don't have information or time to care about me as a regular customer.  Bolder blends are no longer available at the times I want them - at least not without my asking and hoping that the barista on duty will accomodate me.  Why do I keep going back?  Complacency.  But that could easily change if a viable competitor arrives in town.

Does Starbucks' management realize that some customers could be taking unintended messages from the writing on their cups?  I'm sure they don't.  And I am not bashing Starbucks.  The company is facing legitimately tough challenges as the economy goes through hard times. Still, they would do well to heed the writing on their cups and adjust the message so that it better reflects what they want to communicate under current circumstances.

Think about the writing on your own cup.  What unintended messages might your mug communicate about you, about your company, and about life in general? Remember: disclaimers alone are not enough to negate what others may already notice.

Posted by Pam Harper on 07/20/2009 at 02:30 PM in Building Stronger Relationships, Classic Quotes | Permalink | Comments (0)

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Why Buzzwords and Jargon Won't Go Away

I just finished reading several articles in which the authors make the case to banish buzzwords and jargon from our vocabulary in favor of speaking more plainly.  My guess is that many people agree with this suggestion.  In fact, I'm guilty of using my fair share of buzzwords and even I agreed with these authors- at first.  My question is, if so many people think buzzwords are evil, why do so many of us use them on a regular basis?  I've come up with a few theories:

  • Habit:  Just as certain substances can be addictive, I think we become addicted to words like "maximize" and "proactive," and jargon such as "user experience" because this language constantly bombards us in our companies.  It's simply easier to go with the flow.
  • Us vs. Them: Buzzwords and jargon are equivalent to the secret codes of special societies, which is why they alienate people who don't understand them.  For example, try being part of the inner circle of savvy marketers without referring to made up words like "blog" or "B2C" (which showed up on one of my Buzzword Bingo cards). It can't be done.
  • Conserving air: When used as buzzwords, the terms "sexy," "enterprise," and "reinvent" represent longer ideas.  For instance, if we had to speak plainly about "rightsizing," it would take fifteen words using the BNET dictionary definition: "Corporate restructuring, or rationalization, with the goal of reducing costs and improving efficiency and effectiveness."  Can you imagine how much longer it would take to get through meetings without these words?

Let's face facts: no matter how much we all agree that we should speak plainly, buzzwords and jargon aren't going to go away.  So my recommendation is to use these words wisely:

  • Limit their use.
  • Make sure everyone who needs to understand what the words mean has the correct definition
  • Use them in context to make a point the way no other words can do.

Finally, be on the lookout for new buzzwords, because they change constantly.  I invite you to share your favorite discoveries along with definitions.  Maybe we can start a new Buzzword Bingo card!

Posted by Pam Harper on 07/17/2009 at 02:32 PM in Building Stronger Relationships, Preventing Gridlock | Permalink | Comments (0)

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An Ordinary Miracle

My husband, Scott, and I were getting into our car parked in the garage at Newark Airport.  It was 10:00pm.  We had just completed a full day of travel back from San Francisco, and were eager to get home after a week away. However as we got into our car, Scott realized that he had lost his driver's license somewhere between the Air Train terminal at Newark Airport's Terminal C and the Long Term Parking Garage.  After retracing his steps with no success, Scott resigned himself to the prospect of the unpleasant and time-consuming task of replacing his license.
 
This is where the story becomes interesting.  We had just pulled away from the toll booth after paying our parking fee and were getting ready to exit the airport grounds, when I noticed a shadowy figure of a man in the darkness running toward our car.  He was frantically waving his arms, and in one hand he had a small white square - Scott's driver's license!

Huffing and puffing, the man explained he was an airport worker and had noticed that Scott dropped his license back in the Air Train terminal.  He immediately picked it up and had been trying to catch up with us for the past 20 minutes.  With a smile, he gave Scott the license and turned to leave.  Of course we called him back to thank him, and insisted on giving him a cash reward as a more tangible expression of appreciation. He gracefully accepted our gesture; but before we could get his name to express appreciation to his management, he vanished just as quickly as he had appeared. 
 
During the drive home, Scott and I reflected on what had just occurred.  First, there was the miracle of encountering a stranger who really cared, with no thought of getting a reward other than knowing that he was doing something good for someone else.  But in addition to that, it was amazing that he was able to catch up with us at the last moment before we left the airport. 
 
This wasn't an earth-shattering event, but it was an ordinary miracle created by an extraordinary person. Having been inspired by this man, I know I'll be looking for ways to create an ordinary miracle for someone else.  Now if we all did that, imagine what would happen...
 
Have you experienced your own "ordinary miracle?"  I invite you to share your story with us. 

Posted by Pam Harper on 06/06/2009 at 11:40 AM in Building Stronger Relationships, Hidden Opportunities | Permalink | Comments (0)

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